the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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