You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
