Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
