ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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