sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
