IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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