the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
