She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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