i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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