he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
