I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
