I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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