i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
