Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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