once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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