I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize