So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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