I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
