There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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