I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
