She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
