worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
