i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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