Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
