69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
