she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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