Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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