Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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