Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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