And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
