I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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