I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
