So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.