there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯