Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
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Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.