peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.