I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.