soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.