the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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