It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
