feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize