I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So apparently I’m into choking now
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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