i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
