I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
