I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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