you turned your livingroom into a bong?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
