So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
