nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
