Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
