Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
