After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Even my vagina gasped.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
