Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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