i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
