It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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