I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
