if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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