if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
