SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
