whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
