What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
