Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
