i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How many fucks given?
0.12846
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
