and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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