God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
